I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
