my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
