Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
