So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
