WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
