two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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