I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
