Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
