She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
