She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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