I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
