someone threw a dead crab at me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
