u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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