do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
