There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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