I smell stomach acid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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