we made out on top of his cat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
