it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
