Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
