Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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