he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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