I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
