last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
