hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize