So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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