My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
