why didn't you poke me back
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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