im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
