Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
