We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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