Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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