He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
