hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
