Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Quick, to the slutcave!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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