we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
