I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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