Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
