JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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