I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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