I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
