If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
