Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
