I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I won the penis lottery.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
