My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
