I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
