So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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