yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
