You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
