You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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