Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
