What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
