Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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