So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
