areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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