girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
