I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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