its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
