Acid is not a monday night drug
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
