ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
