You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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