I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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