the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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