I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
