I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
