I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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