I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
