Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i came on her dog
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
