What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
