oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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