i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We named our party play list daddy issues
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
