bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
