Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
