If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
