Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
