cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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