Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.