there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.