we have pet lesbian snakes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
